why can't i find what i need
why can't i feel what i see
why can't i hear you you're speaking
my eyes are open and i'm still sleeping
these sloppy words all rest together
i rearrange and they're still not better
they're flavored like pages of other books
and have holes but i don't have any hooks
on which to hang them to see them all
or a house or glue to put them on my walls
so instead i can try to understand what's outside
because at least i can see it with my eyes
or i can feel it with my skin when it touches air
or i can see the signs when it's in my hair
and it tangles and my hair and the trees are all in knots
and i didn't write down what i really thought
so now i can't distinguish what matters and what's a shell
of what i need but i can't really tell
and even if i sing a song with lots of words
its still so temporary and only in my nerves
but it's just there not in my brain
but anyway it's all the same
because when your life becomes what you invent
instead of equations on scrap paper like a sloppy blueprint
what would you do

sleepy sadness is who i am tonight
heavy tears with heavy sleepy eyes
i have useless fingers with hardly a reason
a calm brain because maybe i'll be free then
i thought about you after that day and during december
i don't want to forget i want to always remember
but so quickly i feel small it's so easy just to go
and my insides feel heavy and i never really know
i want to feel light again
i want to feel light again
i want to feel you again



most of the time i feel like i'm standing in a field
and i'm all alone and i can feel the wind
and then i feel real
but it's only in that tiny space of my entire life
can i wake up in the morning and see with my own eyes
and listen to the wind and hear the different tones
of all the other winds like me that feel so alone
that are really free and moving around


and wind that doesn't know the ground
it is bigger than me and i cannot hold it
it is thicker than me and i cannot fold it
it is the words i want to get out so bad
the lies and and the truth
and i cannot control it
i want me and the world to move the same